Allergies, Allergies, Allergies

Yesterday was the day to bring our beautiful outdoor pots into the garage for the winter.  For the first time, we decided to empty them of dirt so they would be easier to handle (yes, we are getting older each year!)  During the process of emptying the pots, dirt got on my arm.  Then, about a half hour later, I began to itch.  I looked at my arm and it was bright red and blotchy where the dirt had been. A few minutes later I had hives on my torso!  have no idea what my body reacted to but wow.

Later that night, after two Benadryl, I was sleeping soundly in a chair while hubby watched TV....Itching had stopped and hives were gone.  As I age my allergies are increasing logarithmically.  Ho hum.

Sorting Things Out

I literally cried last night when I read the ages of the children. So young that they probably did not know how to defend themselves.  Killing them is unthinkable.  My brain has been trying to come to terms with this horrific thing that has happened and like so many others, understand why.

I visualized myself in the shoes of a killer going and killing young children.  The only thing I could come up with is intense hate for young children in general.  The mother was not associated with the school as reported falsely so why.  Intense hate for young children in general. This could stem from intense self hate if they person was a born pedophile who did not want to act on their natural impulse and was too cowardice to take their own life.  This also explains killing the mother who would have felt this was evil thinking,  They would hate all of the young children they coveted. They would hate themselves. They would hate their mother. Unfortunately, this offers an explanation.

The other explanation is Jihad. That he had converted to Islam and wanted to create terror and grief. Unfortunately, this explanation would mean that he succeeded. It would also mean that he killed 6 and 7 year olds in the name of God but this has happened before and apparently, some people feel that God wants children dead in order to forward the Islamic beliefs and to make people want to convert to Islam out of fear.

Bad Things Happen

The tragedy in Connecticut is beyond belief. Children so young and innocent shot. Bad things happen.

As natural ss the need to protect young children, is the extension of the need to protect - the need to control and prevent. That is not how life works. We can not control others - only influence - no matter how much we want to control. We can not prevent bad things from happening either. They simply happen. Even hiding the news from children is not a solution. The world is the way the world is. Keeping news from children creates sheltered children who can not cope with the ugliness that is part of the world, part of life. Life is awesome but it is not perfect. Bad thing happen.

Getting Old

Lately, I have been having heart problems t night while sleeping. I wake up with pain in my left arm and a heart struggling to pump. Scary but perhaps the worse thing is the realization that I am getting old. My life is coming to an end. 60. Close to retirement age. Yikes.

I find myself thinking about the wonderful life I have had; a life filled with adventure, love, and lots of learning.  But I also think about how I want to spend the rest of it. The past couple of weeks I have been cleaning the attic by myself.  Along with runny nose and watering eyes due to my allergies, my back hurts.  Is this how I want to spend perhaps the last day of my life - doing grunt work that no one else wants to do all by myself?  The answer has not come to me yet so i keep going back up there by myself to do the work.  I have realized one thing - there will be less mess for someone else to deal with when I am gone!  That makes me smile.